


does he love you?

by notspring



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Accidental One-Sided Roleplay, Accusations of Infidelity, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Established Relationship, M/M, but like it's FINE! everything's fine.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29110215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notspring/pseuds/notspring
Summary: Maybe their entire relationship got off to an inauspicious start. Maybe this is what Mingyu gets for moving in with a guy he blew in a bathroom stall the first night they met.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 31
Kudos: 116





	does he love you?

  
  
The whole thing is Seungkwan’s fault, really. He’s the one who brings it up — if he’d just minded his own business, Mingyu could have stayed oblivious, never having to think about it and happier for it. But Seungkwan drops it on Mingyu in the middle of an inoffensive conversation about dinner, after Mingyu makes fun of him because it’s been two years and neither Seungkwan nor Hansol know how to use the kitchen in any functional way. 

“Well, of course you and _Jeonghan-hyung_ don’t have this problem, you’re basically married — ”

“What?” Mingyu interrupts, laughing incredulously. “Wait, wait. Why would you say that?”

“Well, you live with him, for starters,” Seungkwan says slowly, like he isn’t sure what response Mingyu is looking for. 

“So? Rent’s expensive, and his apartment had an oven.”

There’s a weird panicked feeling rising in Mingyu’s gut, like Seungkwan’s talking too loudly in public again and Mingyu needs to make him stop. 

“And? My parents have a backyard, but I’m not moving back in with them,” Seungkwan says dismissively. Mingyu makes a protesting sound — Seungkwan’s parents live on Jeju, that comparison isn’t fair — but Seungkwan keeps going, undeterred. “Also, we were both there when you made that twenty-point pro-con list before you moved in with him, let’s not pretend we weren’t. It wasn’t just the oven.”

“Yeah, but that’s just normal,” Mingyu protests weakly. “Everyone makes pro-con lists. You do it all that time.”

There’s a long pause. 

“ _I_ do, yes,” Seungkwan says, and then very pointedly does not continue. Mingyu makes a wordless whining noise into the phone. 

“You’re making it weird,” he says, finally.

“No I’m not,” Seungkwan says slowly, after another significant pause. “I thought we knew this? He’s your boyfriend. You live with him.”

Seungkwan sounds infuriatingly sure of himself, for a person discussing someone else’s relationship.

“Yeah, but it’s like,” Mingyu starts. “It’s not a big deal, right?”

“Um, okay,” Seungkwan says it very slowly, like he’s talking to a small child. “If we lived somewhere else you guys would probably be married by now, but sure. It can be casual.”

“I said to stop saying weird things,” Mingyu whines.

“I’m literally not, but fine,” Seungkwan says, still sounding deeply skeptical. Mingyu pretends he doesn't notice, and starts talking loudly about his new freelance gig instead.

He hangs up not long after, but the unease lingers.

He doesn’t know why it makes him feel so weird. It’s not like Seungkwan was totally wrong — Jeonghan _is_ Mingyu’s boyfriend. They _do_ live together. But it bothers him all afternoon, the thought niggling like a loose tooth, and Mingyu can’t keep himself from pushing at it. 

Is this really it? Is Mingyu committed? Is this who he’s going to be with forever?

He’s still working himself up over it when Jeonghan gets home from work — it’s close to 10 P.M, the latest he’s been home this week. Every time Mingyu asks him about it he shrugs and says it’s a tough time of year, doesn’t give him any more detail than that. Now that Mingyu’s thinking about it, that doesn’t seem like something a committed partner would do. 

Jeonghan huffs a little as he toes off his shoes, leaning heavily against the wall, before padding into the living room in slippered feet. 

Mingyu gives Jeonghan a once-over as he shrugs off his blazer, squinting suspiciously. Is that the shirt he left the house wearing? Mingyu doesn’t recognize it. 

“Is that one of the shirts I bought you?” he blurts out, unable to help himself. Jeonghan looks over at Mingyu, clearly surprised at the question, before he glances down at himself like he’s forgotten what he’s wearing completely. Even that small action makes Mingyu bristle, already riled up. How can Jeonghan not know whether he’s wearing his own shirt? 

“No,” Jeonghan says, after a moment’s inspection. “Someone ordered tteokbokki at lunch and Shua made me change after. He said I couldn’t go around the office looking like that.”

Mingyu frowns. He changed in front of Joshua? God. Joshua’s really nice-looking, Mingyu’s seen pictures. And didn’t Jeonghan say he started going to the gym recently, too?

“Mingyu?” 

“Hm?” Mingyu looks over to find Jeonghan staring at him, looking puzzled.

“What’s up?” 

What a stupid question. How can Jeonghan not know what’s up? Does he know Mingyu at all? Mingyu’s sunk almost a year of his life into this relationship. What is he supposed to do if Jeonghan isn’t as invested as he apparently is? If Jeonghan really does like Joshua from the office better than him?

Jeonghan never talks to him about work, Mingyu realizes. Maybe he’s been hiding something this entire time. Maybe he’s living a whole separate life, and Mingyu’s been too stupid and complacent to figure it out until now. 

“I don’t know,” Mingyu forces himself to say, making eye contact with Jeonghan as he says it. 

Jeonghan’s eyes narrow, scanning Mingyu’s face. Mingyu fidgets a little, but he doesn’t look away. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan says slowly. “Well. I have to change, so….”

He gestures vaguely towards the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom, Mingyu thinks, nodding at him vaguely. The one they share. Because they share their life together. Because — oh god.

Oh god.

What is he gonna do if it really isn’t working between them? All Mingyu’s stuff is here. He’d have to move it all out, maybe even call someone to help him, and — oh, no. That’s so embarrassing. He’s so embarrassed just thinking about it. 

Where can he even go? He could call Minseo, maybe, but — no. No, he can’t call Minseo, she talks to Jeonghan’s sister all the time, ever since the four of them took that overnight trip to Gangneung. 

Jeonghan and Mingyu had bickered the whole time, Mingyu sulky because Jeonghan wouldn’t kiss him while his sister was in the same building (the same building! not even the same room!), Jeonghan irritated because Mingyu was sulking. The drive back had been a nightmare — Minseo made fun of Mingyu about it for weeks afterward. 

Should that have been a sign? Was he just too stupid to notice?

Maybe their entire relationship got off to an inauspicious start. Maybe this is what Mingyu gets for moving in with a guy he blew in a bathroom stall the first night they met. 

He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t register Jeonghan coming up to him, letting out a startled yelp when Jeonghan wraps his arms around him from behind. 

“Minggoo-yah,” Jeonghan coos in Mingyu’s ear. Mingyu squirms in his hold, whining a little as he shrugs himself free. 

“You’ve been working late a lot,” Mingyu says, instead of greeting him like a normal person. Jeonghan pauses, his head cocked to the side. 

“Yes,” he says slowly. “It’s the end of the quarter.”

“I missed you,” Mingyu says. He’s not sure if it’s an accusation, or a justification for bringing it up. Either way Jeonghan’s face softens, and he comes closer to snuggle into Mingyu’s side.

“Aw, Minggoo,” he says, rubbing his head against Mingyu’s arm like a cat. “You’re sweet.”

Mingyu doesn’t feel sweet. He feels like he’s losing it completely. 

“Were you really at work?” he asks, like someone else has taken him over completely. Jeonghan blinks, head tilting to the side curiously. 

“What else would I be doing?” he asks. “Gambling? Cheating on you?”

As soon as the words leave Jeonghan’s mouth Mingyu’s entire body feels like it’s been flooded with ice water, so shocking it leaves him breathless.

That isn’t — 

He hadn’t thought — 

“Are you? Cheating on me?” he asks, lips numb.

“I don’t know, am I?” Jeonghan parrots back, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. His head is still tilted to the side, like an evil little bird. The gesture feels like it’s mocking Mingyu. 

He’s seen every inch of Jeonghan, knows how to touch Jeonghan in a way he’s never had a chance to learn for anyone else. They share a _bathroom_. But Mingyu suddenly feels like he doesn’t know him at all. 

“You _are_ ,” Mingyu says, his voice coming out high and hysterical. “Oh my god.” 

“Who am I cheating on you with, hm?” Jeonghan leans in, like he wants Mingyu to tell him more. Mingyu feels like he’s watching the scene from outside his own body, so overcome with horror he can’t believe it’s real. “Seokmin? Maybe Seungcheol?”

The humiliation is so absolute Mingyu doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. Seungkwan’s never going to let this go, he thinks, hysterically, and somehow that’s enough to push him over the edge, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

“Maybe — ” Jeonghan cuts himself off, then, finally noticing Mingyu’s face. “Mingyu?”

“What,” Mingyu snaps, defensive, except he’s already crying, so it comes out all watery and pathetic.

“Mingyu-yah,” Jeonghan says, his teasing voice from earlier dropping completely, immediately replaced with something softer. Almost baby-talk but not quite, and somehow that feels mocking, too.

Jeonghan tries to lean in to get a better look at Mingyu’s face, but Mingyu jerks back, stung.

“Stop,” he says weakly, trying to push Jeonghan away. “Leave me alone.”

“What are you — ” Jeonghan trails off, still trying to look closer even as Mingyu tries to squirm away. “Mingyu-yah?”

“What are _you_ doing,” Mingyu chokes out, defensive and bitter. “You just said you were cheating on me!”

“I just said — ” Jeonghan freezes, staring at him. “Minggoo. We were joking. It was a joke.”

What the fuck?

“No it _wasn’t_ ,” Mingyu bites out, his entire face flushed with humiliation and anger, swiping at his eyes with a shaking hand. “I wasn’t!”

“Mingyu….” Jeonghan trails off without saying anything more. He looks totally lost, mouth opening and closing uselessly, uncharacteristically graceless. 

“You said it!” Mingyu says again. He’s really crying now, the words coming out garbled and wet. “You did.”

“I thought it was like….” Jeonghan trails off, visibly taking stock of the situation. “I thought you were starting a weird role-play thing. Like, sexy housewife?”

Mingyu stares at him.

“Why the hell would I ever do that?” he says, the fight already starting to drain out of him, leaving him feeling sort of limp and floppy. “Why would you think I would do that?”

“I don’t know!” Jeonghan snaps defensively. “Maybe it just never occurred to me that you could be serious!”

“What, because you don’t take me seriously?” Mingyu tenses again, already ready to work himself back up about it.

“No,” Jeonghan says sharply, eyes intent on Mingyu’s face, not rising to the bait. “Because I’d never cheat on you, and I thought you knew that.”

That’s — oh. Mingyu was ready to defend himself, but he doesn’t have anything to say to that. 

“Oh,” he says very quietly, shrinking back down. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan echoes with a dry laugh. “I feel pretty stupid about that now.”

“ _You_ feel stupid?” Mingyu asks incredulously, and Jeonghan laughs again. It isn’t mean, though. Now that Mingyu’s starting to calm down he can read the helplessness in it, how Jeonghan clearly doesn’t know what to do either. 

Fuck. 

“God,” Jeonghan says, dragging a hand down his face. “Why don’t we just. You go lie down, and I’ll — I don’t know. I’ll make us dinner.”

Mingyu stares at him. 

“I’ll order us dinner,” Jeonghan amends. Mingyu nods slowly, still shellshocked, and lets Jeonghan push him gently towards into their bedroom.

Mingyu lies down on the bed just like Jeonghan said, pulling the blankets over himself even though he’s fully dressed, so overwhelmed his brain can’t focus on any one thing. The humiliation sets in for real, then, thinking about the expression of confusion on Jeonghan’s face — he definitely hadn’t been faking, that much had been clear. 

God. Even if Jeonghan hadn’t been tired of him before, how is Mingyu supposed to come back from _this_?

The thought makes Mingyu want to cry again, out of helplessness more than anything. He closes his eyes and tries to do the dumb breathing exercises Minghao taught him back when he was really stressed about his last job. They don’t really do much to calm him down, but at least it’s something to do. 

He’s still deep breathing when Jeonghan creeps in after him barely ten minutes later, coming to perch at the edge of Mingyu’s side of the bed. 

“I’m really sorry, Minggoo,” he says quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Mingyu’s arm as he says it. He’s using that weird creaky voice, too, so Mingyu knows he really means it. Jeonghan isn’t good at speaking sincerely, always has to cover it a little. Mingyu’s usually better at picking up the signs. 

It’s funny, how suddenly Jeonghan doesn’t seem threatening at all. It’s just Jeonghan, tired and rumpled and a little greasy at the end of the day. There’s stubble forming on his jaw and his under-eye circles are horrible — he refuses to use the cream Mingyu bought for him, even when Mingyu pointedly leaves it on the bathroom counter.

“I mean, you were right,” Mingyu says, voice coming out small and pathetic. “Role-play would have been really hot.”

“Well, it’s not _now_ ,” Jeonghan says, laughing a little. Mingyu smiles tentatively in return, the hysterical fear starting to fade. Jeonghan’s clearly still freaked out, but it doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere, at least. 

“We could try it another time,” Mingyu offers weakly. 

Jeonghan shrugs.

“Maybe,” he says, not sounding particularly worried about it. “It’s okay if we don’t.”

“Yeah, but you liked it,” Mingyu says, pushing it a little, fuelled by the impulse to please Seungkwan has spent years chastising him for in a tone alternating between mocking and worried.

“You didn’t,” Jeonghan counters immediately, like that settles it. Mingyu guesses it does. He blushes, stupidly, embarrassed again. 

“Well,” he says, and then doesn’t follow that up with anything more. 

“Come on,” Jeonghan says, patting Mingyu’s thigh over the blanket. “Come watch TV with me. Your boyfriend’s on at 10, right?”

“You’re my boyfriend,” Mingyu protests, but he lets Jeonghan pull the blankets back with a laugh. “And you hate that guy.”

“Yeah, well,” Jeonghan says, pulling Mingyu upright and tugging at the seams of his t-shirt to straighten it. “You don’t. So.”

“So,” Mingyu draws the word out, a little teasing, only to be rewarded with a sharp pinch in the side. He yelps, whine dissolving into a laugh. 

“I can’t believe you thought I had the energy to cheat on you,” Jeonghan says, after they’ve both picked at dinner before giving up halfway and just focusing on the TV instead.

Mingyu looks over at him, and — yeah, that’s fair. Jeonghan is currently nestled under two blankets, hair a ratty nest somehow even though all he’s done is lie there without moving. Mingyu’s pretty sure he slept through at least a third of the drama they’re both pretending to watch. 

Mingyu lets out an embarrassed laugh.

"Don't make fun of me," he protests. "I know it was stupid." 

"I'm not making fun of you," Jeonghan insists, but he's laughing too. Mingyu watches as he pushes himself upright a little, expression shifting into something more serious. “But we should probably, like," he pauses to grimace, visibly uncomfortable, "talk about it."

Mingyu winces.

"Please no," he says immediately. "We really don't have to, it's fine."

"It's not fine if you really thought I'd cheat on you," Jeonghan points out. He's right, obviously, but he doesn't have to be so mature about it.

If it were Seungkwan, Mingyu would just say _“Sorry, I was being crazy.”_ Seungkwan would nod, maybe roll his eyes a little bit, and then let it go. But Jeonghan doesn’t act like that for no reason, and if he has a problem with someone he tells them about it. It’s more mature, sure, but it always makes Mingyu look even worse in comparison.

“Did I … do something?” Jeonghan asks hesitantly. Mingyu lets out a vague whining noise, covering his face with his hands.

“No,” he groans. “I was just being stupid, okay? We can just forget about it.”

“Okay, but like,” Jeonghan pauses, grimacing. “ _Why_ were you being stupid?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Mingyu whines. 

“Minggoo,” Jeonghan says creepily, shifting to get closer so he can poke at Mingyu’s face with a knobbly finger — his cheek, first, then his ear. Mingyu squirms, trying to get away. 

“Nooo,” he laughs, wriggling under Jeonghan’s assault until Jeonghan gives it up, resting his head on Mingyu’s shoulder instead. Mingyu shifts underneath him until he can settle the way he likes. 

For a moment it’s quiet, the white noise of the air purifier the only sound in the room. 

“You’re the only real boyfriend I’ve ever had,” Mingyu admits quietly, finally, his ears burning as soon as he’s said it. Jeonghan tenses where he’s slumped against his shoulder, but he doesn’t try to sit up. 

“Oh?” he asks, very carefully. Mingyu laughs, self-deprecating.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says. “It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s not,” Jeonghan says immediately. “I just thought — ”

He trails off, not seeming to know where to take the sentence, but Mingyu thinks he can get what Jeonghan means. 

He’s slept with a lot of guys, definitely. Seungkwan tried to stage an intervention, once, a few months before Mingyu met Jeonghan. Mingyu’s had guys who called him up when they were bored — plenty of those — but he’s never had anything like this. Never had anything like the way Jeonghan lets Mingyu choose all his work suits and noses up next to him while he’s cooking dinner, making curious little noises as he pokes at it and laughing when Mingyu swats him away. They go grocery shopping together on the weekends, play badminton every Tuesday and Thursday. 

It’s — normal. It isn’t a life Mingyu ever thought people like them could have.

“I know,” he laughs, now. “I know it sounds stupid, but. When you say you don’t want to talk about your work with me, and you don’t let me put you on your Instagram, it feels like — ” he cuts himself off, taking a deep breath. Jeonghan hums inquisitively, a sign for him to continue. “It feels like I’m the one who cares more,” Mingyu admits, voice quiet and ashamed. 

“Mingyu,” Jeonghan says, finally straightening so he can look at him properly. “No, no — look at me, Mingyu-yah.”

Mingyu takes a deep breath, and forces himself to look up. Jeonghan’s staring at him, a concerned wrinkle between his brows. 

“I don’t want you to put me on your Instagram because I’m not out at work,” Jeonghan says slowly. “And I don’t talk about my work because it’s boring.” 

_God_. Of course it sounds totally rational when he says it like that. Mingyu makes a wordless despairing noise, closing his eyes. He wishes he was anywhere else.

“Wait, no,” Jeonghan says. “That isn’t what I meant. I just….”

He trails off, the silence stretching out long enough that Mingyu opens his eyes again, hesitantly. He finds Jeonghan just staring at him, that helpless expression from earlier back on his face, clearly just as lost as Mingyu feels. 

Weirdly, it makes Mingyu feel a little better. 

“I didn’t know it bothered you,” Jeonghan says. 

“I didn’t either,” Mingyu admits weakly. He’s so tired — he wants this conversation to be finished, and then he never wants to talk about this again. He can’t remember the last time he felt this bad. 

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Jeonghan says, very carefully, his eyes focused intently on Mingyu’s face. “And if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be here. I want to be here.”

Mingyu lets out a breath, laughing at himself. 

“I want to be here, too,” he says, sure as he says it that the words are true — he does want that. He doesn’t want to move his stuff out of the apartment, doesn’t want to leave the oven he baked Jeonghan’s birthday cake in. Doesn’t want to miss badminton on Tuesday. He'd even miss Jeonghan complaining about him running the air conditioner all year, probably. God.

Jeonghan nods slowly, still looking at Mingyu very closely, before he cautiously puts his head back onto Mingyu’s shoulder.

“I'm gonna tell you about every stupid spreadsheet I have to look at from now on, I hope you know that,” Jeonghan warns, but Mingyu just laughs.

“That's okay,” he says, meaning it. “I’m good at math.”

“And I do let you put me on your Instagram,” Jeonghan says after a moment's contemplation. “Just not my face.”

“Hyung,” Mingyu laughs weakly, pushing a little at Jeonghan’s head. Jeonghan laughs too, not letting himself be moved.

“I could make my account private,” Mingyu says thoughtfully, after a moment, considering the idea. It would be nice, he thinks. Posting all the pictures he takes that have nowhere to go — pictures of the mischievous crinkle to Jeonghan’s nose, the way eyes scrunching up when he laughs. Mingyu doesn’t want to have to keep them to himself. 

Jeonghan makes a little protesting noise.

“You don’t want that,” he says. “You like it when people look at you.” 

Mingyu laughs, embarrassed, but it’s not like he can deny it — there wouldn’t be any point. Jeonghan didn’t say it in a mean way, anyway. They both know it’s true.

“I’ll make another account,” Mingyu says instead. “Just for you.”

Jeonghan laughs, wiggling a little.

“Stupid,” he says, but Mingyu doesn’t think he’s imagining the pleased note to his voice. Jeonghan likes attention, too. 

For a moment it’s quiet between them, then Jeonghan shifts up a bit, making a tiny sound like something has just occurred to him.

“Can we still invite Seungkwannie over for dinner on Saturday, or does he hate me now?”

Mingyu laughs again, thinking about it. If Mingyu had gotten a chance to tell him what he was thinking Seungkwan would be here already, probably, ready to murder Jeonghan in cold blood. Jeonghan wouldn’t stand a chance — he’s crafty, sure, but he doesn’t have anything on Seungkwan’s rage. 

“ … I didn’t tell him anything,” Mingyu admits sheepishly. “You’re safe.”

“That’s good,” Jeonghan says around a yawn. “Tell him to bring his little friend, too. He’s funny. I like him.”

“I will, but you know he hates it when you call him that,” Mingyu says. Jeonghan lets out a little cackle, sounding genuinely delighted. Mingyu marvels, not for the first time, that he can make a sound that hideous and not feel self-conscious about it at all.

“It’ll be nice,” Jeonghan says after a moment, and Mingyu hums in agreement. Jeonghan's chin is digging into Mingyu’s shoulder but Mingyu doesn’t want him to move. The weight is a comfort, solid and reassuring.

“We'll talk more tomorrow,” Jeonghan yawns again, clearly well on the way to sleep.

“We will,” Mingyu agrees, and he's surprised to find the idea doesn't really scare him anymore.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry
> 
> thank you to miet for helping birth this cursed thought... i owe u everything


End file.
